who is giiilbeaux?

I wish there was an ignore button in real life. There have been many times when I have been forced to engage in a conversation when I would rather not. There have been times when men have tried to get my attention and where only successful because of the slightest turn of my head. Or times when someone, in the midst of the conversation, has said something that has made me completely uncomfortable. The ignore button would spare me from having to wiggle out of those situations. I could stop certain relationships before they start. It would allow me to save myself from other peoples' ignorance. I believe I have the ability to see what type of relationship I will have with someone when I first meet them. I don't mean that I can see actual pictures of the relationship, but I can feel what emotion(s) that I will experience during the relationship- this concerns both men and women. When I first met one of my best friends, I remember getting a heavy, yet warm feeling when meeting her. At the time I didn't realize what it meant, but now that I am older (and pay greater attention to all of my emotions at all times) I understand from where it came. Our relationship has had its up and DOWNS, but through it all we remain very close friends. I have learned many, sometimes painful, life changing lessons from this relationship. Every lesson has made me a better person and friend. The heavy feeling I noticed when we first met was the weight of the pain, guilt, change, etc. I was to experience. The warm feeling was the enlightenment, strength, courage, etc. that I was to gain. Now that I understand that I have this ability the ignore button would be ideal. I could ignore people immediately and avoid another encounter. My sixth sense is usually quite accurate, but sometimes (I allow) other emotions to become stronger because I dont want to listen. Sometimes I get myself in too deep before I realize or stop to listen to what my sixth sense is saying. The ignore button would work beautifully for this type of situation. I could send people to a message letting them know that I am no longer listening to anything that they have to say. "Hello, you have just been ignored. Please excuse yourself from my personal space immediately. Please proceed to the furthest distance away from me that you can find. Please note that you have done something that/ said something that: a. embarrassed me or yourself; b. offended me; c. was to ignorant to acknowledge; d. I am ashamed to have witnessed; e. I can not wrap my brain around. I will no longer subject myself to your foolishness. Thank you and have a wonderful day!"

In my quest to gain a better understanding of myself (and also allow others that opportunity), I have been researching my illness. I have found that many people don't understand that there are different types of depression. Not all depression is a 'sad moment'; there are some types of depression that are chronic, a lifetime battle. Not all depression is caused by a failure or downfall in life; some days waking up is enough to cause a crying fit. The illness I suffer from is called clinical depression or major depressive disorder. I have attached a link (from wikipedia... i know, but it is a featured article; click on blog titel to read it) that gives an awesome definition. Clinical depression is no walk in the park. It is very scary, and at times very dangerous (I have tried to kill myself twice). But there is hope and things that I can do to remain sane. My only issue now is finding my peace of mind...

People have many different layers- good and bad. Usually the good are presented first- putting ones best foot forward When speaking of friendship, one must first, take the time to learn and examine these layers. Then decide if the good layers out weigh the bad. However there are times when one/some of the bad layers are immediate and there is no desire to learn about the others.